"May Be for Me"

            Being friends is not so easy for a person that you have feelings for whether strong or weak but it’s definitely not easy for someone who hasn’t been in a relationship in a while. I’ve noticed in the past that people who haven’t been around someone of the opposite sex for long periods of time they somehow cling to the “new” individual. Now that’s what I am afraid of. Everybody wants someone to connect with and be there for but is everyone able to handle the way the person has become on their own, basically, when they have been by themselves for so long? Are they ready to deal with the issues of their own past and the friend’s? Those simple questions answer a lot.

            Even though everyone wants someone to be with it is not always possible to just throw self back into the game of friendship, dating, gaining feelings, maturing, and creating a relationship. These things take time and sacrifice. Sacrifice one’s needs for another while realizing that this person may not be for you. It’s about taking chances as well. Are you willing to put yourself, your emotions, your feelings, and your time out on the line to see if it’s just worth it?

            It’s not about just spending time with each other; it’s about sharing, believing that something could come out the friendship. Earlier I mentioned sacrifice, sacrificing is not based upon sacrificing the things you need for someone else but the things you want. For instance, I attend school. I cannot just skip a class to go to an early lunch with him because I feel like it because if he stops talking to me tomorrow I still can’t make up that class. I have just dug a hole for myself that I can’t get out of. Doing what you have to do for yourself is prime these days because of the expectancies of life. I just cannot sacrifice important things for him nor will I continue because it is a hindrance to me and not him. That is something I had to realize the hard way.

Dominance- 1^st trait

            Dominance can either make or break a friendship because no one wants to be controlled or feel like there is some weakness in their own personality or beliefs. Watch the way you communicate and remember you are not always right about things, life isn’t that way and you aren’t either. Communication is key to any relationship because of the effects it has on another, the way you say things, the way you express things, the things you feel should be out in the open but if none of this is said none of it matters, only because the “friend” doesn’t know. I have broken off plenty of friendships and relationships based on the fact that I refuse to talk to them about the problems that I have with them. I am emotionally detrimental to myself—just the first to admit it—but I am not afraid to admit it. I handle friendships and relationships in a way if one crosses me I delete them from my life and that is what happens. Side note: Most of the time people do NOT need an explanation for the things that they do they just need a reason so they can explain. I know myself and if hear some sad excuse or an apology I’m cool with it but now I am completely different. If I hear bullshit I tell you its bullshit. I laugh at the way explanations roll off people tongues like raindrops of a leaf; easy.   

            Back to dominance. I believe dominance comes from the household that the individual was raised in. In many instances they imitate the dominate behavior one in the household when they get older or they intend to grow up taking in all the slack that they feel should be there. So as they get on their own and become this independent person their demeanor becomes dominate in order to protect themselves from being hurt. I take on the characteristics of mom; her demeanor is dominate but her ways are submissive. Note: I refuse to be submissive because I don’t have to! I’m not married.

            Dominance should be controlled but shouldn’t be away to manipulate. I was always taught if you want something then ask for it. Don’t try to manipulate the world with your words or just think someone will not be able to stand ground with you based on age or previous behavior. You can’t judge people based on past experiences. You can only watch, listen and learn.

Health & Motivation: 2^nd trait

            Starting off on a small journey is just one way to develop. Running up hills and diving off into 8 feet swimming pools is not acceptable. Long walks and gradual pacing is what works for me. You on the other hand, I don’t know because you don’t say. We’ve communicated but sometimes it’s more I agrees than the actual I am this way or I am that way and I believe in or I feel this way. I want to hear more. You are this hidden message in a secret tomb just distant.

To be continued…. Sadly Speaking It Ended Before I Could Continue!